You’ve made so many valid points but I’d especially like to highlight this one:
"But what I don’t get at all is shaming people from the U.S. who aren’t ‘truly’ persecuted for not staying to fight. People attempting to gatekeep who is worthy of an exit, how much privilege one must recognize before packing their suitcases, and trying to dim the joyful experiences people find in their new homes."
The morning after the latest US presidential election I was torn. Half of me wanted to stay and fight, and the other half thought that even a bird knows when to fly away. My friends where split when I decided to stay (for now). Some of them were and are happy that I’m still here, others are worried that because I’m a transgender woman I’m increasingly in danger. They’re right about the increased danger and right to be worried.
It sounds to me that you and your husband made the best decision you could for yourselves - not that my or anyone else’s opinion matters. America is a nation of immigrants brave enough to leave a dangerous situation and start over someplace new - often with little more than the clothes on their backs and what little belongings they could carry in their hands. Brave people just like your parents. Just like you and your husband when you decided it was time to emigrate from the US.
There are likely to be many more of us leaving in the next few months and years, and for the most heart breaking of reasons.
Totally get it! I think it’s residual… from reprogramming yourself from believing America is as good as it gets. If we’re ‘first’ and supposed to be ‘the best in the world,’ it makes no sense to choose differently.
You hold the duality of being an American in a new country so well. Not that it isn’t tiring or challenging—but you (both!) have a gift for processing through the written word and reminding people that everyone has choices to make, no matter where they live.
I love reading about your intentional choice to move abroad! And I love that you share with us the entire picture of being the daughter of immigrants to living your life as an immigrant as well. Cyclical, beautiful, (I hope) healing!
Ohhh Kaylee thank you so much. It is so heavy at times, but is a weight that feels commiserate with all I’m healing from, if that makes sense. Thank you for your kind words — they mean so much! I had anxiety about saying some of what I said so forcefully, but I believe with all my heart that if we normalized choice and had equal access to opportunity in this way, so many folks could experience life from a different prism.
Beautiful essay. This sentence in particular stopped me in my tracks. 'Migration will continue to happen for as long as people cannot see a future from where they sit. And more often than not, immigrants are hoping to fill the cracks in their broken vases so they can hold more water to quench the thirst of others.' Such a thoughtful and moving way to talk about migration and immigration.
Heartfelt and brilliantly stated. Thank you for expressing the complexity of why some folks leave for another place… what you say here is resonant. It will echo with others, no doubt:
“I moved because it was more painful to stay than it was to uproot my life.
I moved because my country of birth has been clear about how little it values my life within its borders.
I moved because the cost to my spirit was too great to remain where I was.”
Very well said and so much of this resonates. I left for Sweden in 2019 for many of the same reasons and while I'm much happier for it, the decision haunts me. Because in the America I thought I had been living in, it would have been unthinkable to need to get out the way I did. The America I thought I knew was a lie and that, anyway, is clearer every day. Best of luck to you on your journey.
Aw, thank you for your well wishes, Gene. I honestly just wrote this for the me I was years ago, or anyone else out there who believes there’s a level of suffering they need to endure before we justifying their choices. I’m wishing you the retirement of your dreams!
I'd love to see an article about why you felt uncomfortable as a black woman in the U.S. I read Cody's Substack reads featured one about trying to live like europeans in the U.S., and I know part of the reason (especially for him) is the layout and way our cities have been designed which isolates people. However I am interested in the struggles you faced in America, and what changes can be made to help black American women and men who still live here (the majority, because I don't think most of them can afford to leave).
Hey Juliana! It’s so interesting — it’s both a piece I could write but that Black people have already written, from various perspectives, throughout America’s short but bloody history. I’m not sure my POV adds anything original (and I don’t say that to flatten us to a monolith, more so just to say that the struggle to exist safely and be cared for in the U.S. is well documented for Black women and I’m not an exception to that narrative in lots of ways, unfortunately.) I think this post you restacked sums up what my post would be, though: https://substack.com/@consciouslyy/note/c-125195963?r=2j5628&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action.
It’s by design that Black Americans have been excluded from the generational wealth their ancestors created on American soil — so much so that they cannot use it to leave at present. I’m so saddened by that.
Thank you — this is beautiful to read and hits at a time laden with possibilities. Just returned from a “scouting” trip to France, got the answers we wanted, and are now facing the disappointment and perhaps disapproval of family who don’t like the idea of us leaving. Nothing feels easy about it and yet.. when you write about filling a broken vase to be able to quench the thirst of others.. it resonates so much. Lovely, thank you.
Thank you, David — wishing you a future (wherever that happens to be!) where you no longer feel parched. The people who love you will want to serve as your well in this season and the next ❤️
My husband and I were at the Farmer's Market in Durham a few weeks ago, and a man selling Durham t-shirts struck up a conversation while we admired his shirts. The topic of our plan to relocate to France came up, and he said, "Oh, so you're running away then?" At first, I wanted to argue, but I held my tongue, and said, "No, we're running TOWARD the dream we've always had."
I realized that was true. People have tried to make me feel guilty about it, because I won't be here any longer marching with other activists for civil rights. I'll still fight for the rights of others, but in writing and in my coaching/retreat practice. But I'll be living my dreams, too. I'm 59 - I have just this one life, and I'd like to live it on my terms.
I love your writing and I'm glad you have moved yourself to a place where you don't have to be vigilant and cautious all the damn time.
Yes, Kristen! Run toward the life you want, and apologize to no one 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾there are so many ways to resist, and I dare say we must be alive to resist. So, live!
Such a beautiful, poignant, and refreshing read. Congratulations on taking this massive step for yourself, and thank you for documenting it in such an inspiring way. Wishing you nothing but spectacular experiences and a lifetime of peace.
Congrats on the move, and enjoy every moment! You deserve safety, joy, and the chance to follow your dreams to the fullest. Thank you for this heartfelt articulation of the complexities you’re holding as you navigate everything it means to belong somewhere foreign. We need so much more of this.
I have never commented on one of these things before but wanted to say I’m 100% with you
I’m in UK and approaching retirement age now, and the moment I’m able - and if I can afford to do so - I intend to leave the UK, for very similar reasons.
Like the US, the UK has always had its problems, some which are similar in nature - but until fairly recently was able to camouflage them, at least to the extent that I did not feel sufficiently motivated to even consider going elsewhere.
But events like Brexit (which to me is analogous to the rise of MAGA/Trumpism in US) have helpfully and perhaps counter-intuitively cast some long overdue illumination into the darkness in the soul of many (30%?) of our compatriots, such that I no longer wish to share the air I breathe with these - and I am not going to sugar coat this - fucking horrible cunts. Let alone have to tolerate their miserable life-draining existence any longer than I have to.
So, yeah. It is inspiring to read how you and your family are making such a huge change work for you, and the factors and feelings that led you to doing so. So thanks very much for that. I just hope I’m able, and have the courage, to do likewise some day very soon. ♥️
You’ve made so many valid points but I’d especially like to highlight this one:
"But what I don’t get at all is shaming people from the U.S. who aren’t ‘truly’ persecuted for not staying to fight. People attempting to gatekeep who is worthy of an exit, how much privilege one must recognize before packing their suitcases, and trying to dim the joyful experiences people find in their new homes."
The morning after the latest US presidential election I was torn. Half of me wanted to stay and fight, and the other half thought that even a bird knows when to fly away. My friends where split when I decided to stay (for now). Some of them were and are happy that I’m still here, others are worried that because I’m a transgender woman I’m increasingly in danger. They’re right about the increased danger and right to be worried.
It sounds to me that you and your husband made the best decision you could for yourselves - not that my or anyone else’s opinion matters. America is a nation of immigrants brave enough to leave a dangerous situation and start over someplace new - often with little more than the clothes on their backs and what little belongings they could carry in their hands. Brave people just like your parents. Just like you and your husband when you decided it was time to emigrate from the US.
There are likely to be many more of us leaving in the next few months and years, and for the most heart breaking of reasons.
I love this so much. I have often felt the need to justify my departure, although often just saying I'm from Texas is enough.
Totally get it! I think it’s residual… from reprogramming yourself from believing America is as good as it gets. If we’re ‘first’ and supposed to be ‘the best in the world,’ it makes no sense to choose differently.
You hold the duality of being an American in a new country so well. Not that it isn’t tiring or challenging—but you (both!) have a gift for processing through the written word and reminding people that everyone has choices to make, no matter where they live.
I love reading about your intentional choice to move abroad! And I love that you share with us the entire picture of being the daughter of immigrants to living your life as an immigrant as well. Cyclical, beautiful, (I hope) healing!
Ohhh Kaylee thank you so much. It is so heavy at times, but is a weight that feels commiserate with all I’m healing from, if that makes sense. Thank you for your kind words — they mean so much! I had anxiety about saying some of what I said so forcefully, but I believe with all my heart that if we normalized choice and had equal access to opportunity in this way, so many folks could experience life from a different prism.
Yes to this. I am a firm believer that we get to listen to what our souls need, and act on it—if we are given the chance to do so.
I hear you, Ashley! Thank you for your raw honesty. I’m so glad you have moved somewhere more hospitable to beautiful you!
Thank you so much for your constant support, Karen! The raw honesty sometimes feels… raw haha so I appreciate your affirmation ❤️
Beautiful essay. This sentence in particular stopped me in my tracks. 'Migration will continue to happen for as long as people cannot see a future from where they sit. And more often than not, immigrants are hoping to fill the cracks in their broken vases so they can hold more water to quench the thirst of others.' Such a thoughtful and moving way to talk about migration and immigration.
Thank you so much for reading, Lena! ❤️
Heartfelt and brilliantly stated. Thank you for expressing the complexity of why some folks leave for another place… what you say here is resonant. It will echo with others, no doubt:
“I moved because it was more painful to stay than it was to uproot my life.
I moved because my country of birth has been clear about how little it values my life within its borders.
I moved because the cost to my spirit was too great to remain where I was.”
Thank you so much for reading, Eric!
Very well said and so much of this resonates. I left for Sweden in 2019 for many of the same reasons and while I'm much happier for it, the decision haunts me. Because in the America I thought I had been living in, it would have been unthinkable to need to get out the way I did. The America I thought I knew was a lie and that, anyway, is clearer every day. Best of luck to you on your journey.
Thank you for your kind words, Laura. Time has a way of clarifying things, doesn’t it?
Screw those people, you don't have to justify yourself to anyone. I wish you both the best...(I would love to retire in Portugal!)
Aw, thank you for your well wishes, Gene. I honestly just wrote this for the me I was years ago, or anyone else out there who believes there’s a level of suffering they need to endure before we justifying their choices. I’m wishing you the retirement of your dreams!
I'd love to see an article about why you felt uncomfortable as a black woman in the U.S. I read Cody's Substack reads featured one about trying to live like europeans in the U.S., and I know part of the reason (especially for him) is the layout and way our cities have been designed which isolates people. However I am interested in the struggles you faced in America, and what changes can be made to help black American women and men who still live here (the majority, because I don't think most of them can afford to leave).
Hey Juliana! It’s so interesting — it’s both a piece I could write but that Black people have already written, from various perspectives, throughout America’s short but bloody history. I’m not sure my POV adds anything original (and I don’t say that to flatten us to a monolith, more so just to say that the struggle to exist safely and be cared for in the U.S. is well documented for Black women and I’m not an exception to that narrative in lots of ways, unfortunately.) I think this post you restacked sums up what my post would be, though: https://substack.com/@consciouslyy/note/c-125195963?r=2j5628&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action.
It’s by design that Black Americans have been excluded from the generational wealth their ancestors created on American soil — so much so that they cannot use it to leave at present. I’m so saddened by that.
Thank you — this is beautiful to read and hits at a time laden with possibilities. Just returned from a “scouting” trip to France, got the answers we wanted, and are now facing the disappointment and perhaps disapproval of family who don’t like the idea of us leaving. Nothing feels easy about it and yet.. when you write about filling a broken vase to be able to quench the thirst of others.. it resonates so much. Lovely, thank you.
Thank you, David — wishing you a future (wherever that happens to be!) where you no longer feel parched. The people who love you will want to serve as your well in this season and the next ❤️
My husband and I were at the Farmer's Market in Durham a few weeks ago, and a man selling Durham t-shirts struck up a conversation while we admired his shirts. The topic of our plan to relocate to France came up, and he said, "Oh, so you're running away then?" At first, I wanted to argue, but I held my tongue, and said, "No, we're running TOWARD the dream we've always had."
I realized that was true. People have tried to make me feel guilty about it, because I won't be here any longer marching with other activists for civil rights. I'll still fight for the rights of others, but in writing and in my coaching/retreat practice. But I'll be living my dreams, too. I'm 59 - I have just this one life, and I'd like to live it on my terms.
I love your writing and I'm glad you have moved yourself to a place where you don't have to be vigilant and cautious all the damn time.
Yes, Kristen! Run toward the life you want, and apologize to no one 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾there are so many ways to resist, and I dare say we must be alive to resist. So, live!
Such a beautiful, poignant, and refreshing read. Congratulations on taking this massive step for yourself, and thank you for documenting it in such an inspiring way. Wishing you nothing but spectacular experiences and a lifetime of peace.
Thank you, Griffin! Means the world to hear that our stories have moved wonderful people in a meaningful way ❤️
I love this. I uprooted to Costa Rica. I respect everything you said. Bravo!
Thank you Tam! Hopefully you uprooted — and then rerooted in your new home ❤️
Congrats on the move, and enjoy every moment! You deserve safety, joy, and the chance to follow your dreams to the fullest. Thank you for this heartfelt articulation of the complexities you’re holding as you navigate everything it means to belong somewhere foreign. We need so much more of this.
I have never commented on one of these things before but wanted to say I’m 100% with you
I’m in UK and approaching retirement age now, and the moment I’m able - and if I can afford to do so - I intend to leave the UK, for very similar reasons.
Like the US, the UK has always had its problems, some which are similar in nature - but until fairly recently was able to camouflage them, at least to the extent that I did not feel sufficiently motivated to even consider going elsewhere.
But events like Brexit (which to me is analogous to the rise of MAGA/Trumpism in US) have helpfully and perhaps counter-intuitively cast some long overdue illumination into the darkness in the soul of many (30%?) of our compatriots, such that I no longer wish to share the air I breathe with these - and I am not going to sugar coat this - fucking horrible cunts. Let alone have to tolerate their miserable life-draining existence any longer than I have to.
So, yeah. It is inspiring to read how you and your family are making such a huge change work for you, and the factors and feelings that led you to doing so. So thanks very much for that. I just hope I’m able, and have the courage, to do likewise some day very soon. ♥️