Hi! And welcome to Lisbon! My wife and I are from Atlanta and have been here for two years. We originally came for just two years to have an "adventure". About our second summer, we realized how much we like living here. We enjoy a car-free lifestyle, healthy food and a vibrant social circle. Now, we have jettisoned the exit date and are here until we are not. With the election of #47 and Republican capitulation, we have even more reason to stay. I often feel the guilt you mentioned and appreciate your feelings. It's hard to see our country suffer. We will continue to stay informed, stay involved and do what we can to support just causes from our home here in Campo Pequeno.
Thanks so much for reading and for the warm welcome to Lisbon, Debbie! We are loving it here for all the reasons you mentioned. We’re over in Campo de Ourique. Been meaning to check out the Campo Pequeno area.
The idea of leaving a “home” while people are struggling is incredibly complex. The guilt that comes with being able to leave with the added excitement of finally making your dreams come true while you watch in horror over what the current climate is like in the US… it’s all so big!
I think you made the right decision by choosing you because, ultimately, don’t we all have to choose ourselves in one way or another? You two get to lead by example now and I know that may come with challenges, but living YOUR authentic life is (I think) one of the coolest things humans can do, especially if given the opportunity.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! And thanks to Kendrick for pretty much always having the right lyric to hit us in the hearts.
“Stay and fight” is just envious projection. Decency is being bulldozed and strip-mined. Obstructions are just being held under threats of violence - financial, legal, police, political…. the works. The idiots and bigots have been harvested and still support the Orwellian tyranny. And even in the better scenarios (whatever that means) it will be ugly for many years to come. I escaped to Europe around 2004… and about 5 years ago ended up in SE Portugal, before it was a meme-location in social media.
You have nothing to feel guilty about, and I don’t think U.S. has the collective will to fight back effectively anyway. People need to wake up and realize that “rugged individualism” has been deliberate propaganda to keep us from banding together.
Such a poignant essay, Cody, and beautifully articulated. Wishing you and Ashley a safe, healthful, socially connected, and rewarding life in your new home. You both deserve it. 🙏🏻💖
I lived in Greensboro NC for 25 years. During that time I saw voting rights expand during the 2000’s, and then watched with horror as the R’s implemented Project REDMAP in 2010 and turned that beautiful purple state into an undemocratic nightmare.
It was a relief to move to a blue state in 2014 where I’m much happier now, with a state government that aligns with my values.
From Jan 14-30 this year I went to Lisbon to escape the inauguration. Stayed in an Air BnB with a Portuguese host and became close with her, and made connections with local people in the neighborhood even in that short time.
I loved the sense of safety I felt in Lisbon (no guns, no big aggressive trucks running me down). Walked miles every day.
Having had that experience myself, I can well imagine how nourishing the vibrant culture in Lisbon will be for you and Ashley. Wishing you the best as you settle into your new home and put down roots.
Karen, thank you so much for those kind words and well wishes! Glad to hear you have found your own peace living in a state that better reflects your values.
This is a great essay, Cody. I resonate with a lot of what you wrote about the guilt of leaving and shifting your relationship to that (I haven’t don’t that yet!). Looking forward to following your journey.
I’ve studied and practiced every day for a few months now. Still early but I’ve leaned enough to get by ordering food, asking for directions, etc. Nowhere near being able to have an in-depth conversations in the language yet. Hope that will come with time. Meanwhile, so many people also speak English here, which is a blessing and a curse. Makes the transition easier but makes learning Portuguese more difficult since I’m not forced to practice as often as I probably should.
As a fellow ex-evangelical, I’m noticing how programmed I am to adapt to, and endure, toxic environments.
I left the church decades ago, but the command to “obey” still exists in my subconscious. When a refusal, a “no, I choose me” rises in my chest, an old pattern swoops in to declare it “selfish.” A refusal still feels dangerous to my nervous system — until I sit with the fear, the internal criticism, and the larger cultural system designed to feed off my compliance, with compassion.
All of that to say, thank you for sharing your and Ashley’s journey. Deep respect for the courage and clarity it takes to step off the path of compliance, to choose yourselves, to honor and respect your sacred “no.”
Ugh, you’re so right, Catrina! It’s so wild and scary how deep that programming and conditioning goes. Like, even when I logically know I’m not doing anything wrong, I can’t escape the feelings of guilt and shame that are so ingrained in me from my time in those communities. Thank you for understanding and for sharing.
This is such a powerful and beautifully written piece—thank you for being open enough to share it. Truly, you have nothing to feel guilty about so no need to say “I’m sorry”. Many of us have walked that path, trying to pour from an empty cup, hoping our kindness could somehow rescue others. But the hard truth is, we can’t save those who aren't willing to save themselves.
Realizing that—and choosing yourself—isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. I’ve been there too, having to make the tough call to protect my peace and prioritize my own well-being and that of my immediate family. It's never easy, but it’s always the right choice.
Choosing you is choosing growth, clarity, and peace. And that’s something to be proud of. #PresentAndAccountedFor
A-Rod! I so appreciate you saying that and for all of your encouragement. It truly means a lot. Choosing ourselves isn’t always easy, but it is necessary, and I’m at peace with it, finally. And it certainly helps to connect with people who can relate. I hope you and Gena are well!
Being European I can only congratulate you to this move. You have the right to choose peace, sanity and wellbeing.
Some 90 years ago many educated Jews left Europe towards the New World to escape the horrors that were about to happen… now it’s educated Americans that decide to come to Europe. Good luck to both of you!
Congratulations! My husband and I embarked on a very similar path about 18 months ago. 😊 We’re slowly making our way to France for many of the same reasons you wrote about.
Best of luck to you from an American living in Prague. Lived in Japan in 2016 and it was good for the soul—wish you the best in your healing venture. (Also, nice pick—enjoy the weather!)
Yup, I feel this hard. My wife and I moved to Ireland a year ago. For us, too, it was a long time in planning - nine years in fact. It felt better to know that first, we were moving to something, not so much away.
I’m an Episcopal priest, now working with limited remuneration from the Church of Ireland. When I look at what is included in that law about national emergency, I realize that the Episcopal Church could be the first Christian denomination to be declared a terrorist organization! So financially, we’re still in peril, since we rely on my pension. If we can’t support ourselves, Ireland won’t let us stay.
My colleagues met together just over a year ago, to consider how to support one another in light of what we could see was coming. At the time I said, “No matter what the election brings, we would still be moving to Ireland. But if we don’t go now, there will come a time when you ask, ‘Why didn’t they go when they could?’”
In 2016, I felt I needed to stay as part of my ministry. This time around, I couldn’t figure out how to get traction. In any case, our call now is here.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. I’m glad you chose your own peace and joy—plus as you note there are ways to stay involved (if you want to) from abroad.
Hi! And welcome to Lisbon! My wife and I are from Atlanta and have been here for two years. We originally came for just two years to have an "adventure". About our second summer, we realized how much we like living here. We enjoy a car-free lifestyle, healthy food and a vibrant social circle. Now, we have jettisoned the exit date and are here until we are not. With the election of #47 and Republican capitulation, we have even more reason to stay. I often feel the guilt you mentioned and appreciate your feelings. It's hard to see our country suffer. We will continue to stay informed, stay involved and do what we can to support just causes from our home here in Campo Pequeno.
Thanks so much for reading and for the warm welcome to Lisbon, Debbie! We are loving it here for all the reasons you mentioned. We’re over in Campo de Ourique. Been meaning to check out the Campo Pequeno area.
I am transgender. I am leaving. I am not sorry in the least.
The idea of leaving a “home” while people are struggling is incredibly complex. The guilt that comes with being able to leave with the added excitement of finally making your dreams come true while you watch in horror over what the current climate is like in the US… it’s all so big!
I think you made the right decision by choosing you because, ultimately, don’t we all have to choose ourselves in one way or another? You two get to lead by example now and I know that may come with challenges, but living YOUR authentic life is (I think) one of the coolest things humans can do, especially if given the opportunity.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! And thanks to Kendrick for pretty much always having the right lyric to hit us in the hearts.
So well said, Kaylee! Your words of encouragement are ones I’ll have to come back to when those complex feelings return.
I don’t blame you a bit. The U.S. has lost its mind.
“Stay and fight” is just envious projection. Decency is being bulldozed and strip-mined. Obstructions are just being held under threats of violence - financial, legal, police, political…. the works. The idiots and bigots have been harvested and still support the Orwellian tyranny. And even in the better scenarios (whatever that means) it will be ugly for many years to come. I escaped to Europe around 2004… and about 5 years ago ended up in SE Portugal, before it was a meme-location in social media.
You have nothing to feel guilty about, and I don’t think U.S. has the collective will to fight back effectively anyway. People need to wake up and realize that “rugged individualism” has been deliberate propaganda to keep us from banding together.
So well said, Brian! I’m afraid you’re right.
Such a poignant essay, Cody, and beautifully articulated. Wishing you and Ashley a safe, healthful, socially connected, and rewarding life in your new home. You both deserve it. 🙏🏻💖
I lived in Greensboro NC for 25 years. During that time I saw voting rights expand during the 2000’s, and then watched with horror as the R’s implemented Project REDMAP in 2010 and turned that beautiful purple state into an undemocratic nightmare.
It was a relief to move to a blue state in 2014 where I’m much happier now, with a state government that aligns with my values.
From Jan 14-30 this year I went to Lisbon to escape the inauguration. Stayed in an Air BnB with a Portuguese host and became close with her, and made connections with local people in the neighborhood even in that short time.
I loved the sense of safety I felt in Lisbon (no guns, no big aggressive trucks running me down). Walked miles every day.
Having had that experience myself, I can well imagine how nourishing the vibrant culture in Lisbon will be for you and Ashley. Wishing you the best as you settle into your new home and put down roots.
Karen, thank you so much for those kind words and well wishes! Glad to hear you have found your own peace living in a state that better reflects your values.
This is a great essay, Cody. I resonate with a lot of what you wrote about the guilt of leaving and shifting your relationship to that (I haven’t don’t that yet!). Looking forward to following your journey.
Thank you so much, Karen! Navigating those complex feelings is so much easier said than done. Good to know others can relate.
How hard is Portuguese to learn?
I’ve studied and practiced every day for a few months now. Still early but I’ve leaned enough to get by ordering food, asking for directions, etc. Nowhere near being able to have an in-depth conversations in the language yet. Hope that will come with time. Meanwhile, so many people also speak English here, which is a blessing and a curse. Makes the transition easier but makes learning Portuguese more difficult since I’m not forced to practice as often as I probably should.
As a fellow ex-evangelical, I’m noticing how programmed I am to adapt to, and endure, toxic environments.
I left the church decades ago, but the command to “obey” still exists in my subconscious. When a refusal, a “no, I choose me” rises in my chest, an old pattern swoops in to declare it “selfish.” A refusal still feels dangerous to my nervous system — until I sit with the fear, the internal criticism, and the larger cultural system designed to feed off my compliance, with compassion.
All of that to say, thank you for sharing your and Ashley’s journey. Deep respect for the courage and clarity it takes to step off the path of compliance, to choose yourselves, to honor and respect your sacred “no.”
Ugh, you’re so right, Catrina! It’s so wild and scary how deep that programming and conditioning goes. Like, even when I logically know I’m not doing anything wrong, I can’t escape the feelings of guilt and shame that are so ingrained in me from my time in those communities. Thank you for understanding and for sharing.
This is such a powerful and beautifully written piece—thank you for being open enough to share it. Truly, you have nothing to feel guilty about so no need to say “I’m sorry”. Many of us have walked that path, trying to pour from an empty cup, hoping our kindness could somehow rescue others. But the hard truth is, we can’t save those who aren't willing to save themselves.
Realizing that—and choosing yourself—isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. I’ve been there too, having to make the tough call to protect my peace and prioritize my own well-being and that of my immediate family. It's never easy, but it’s always the right choice.
Choosing you is choosing growth, clarity, and peace. And that’s something to be proud of. #PresentAndAccountedFor
A-Rod! I so appreciate you saying that and for all of your encouragement. It truly means a lot. Choosing ourselves isn’t always easy, but it is necessary, and I’m at peace with it, finally. And it certainly helps to connect with people who can relate. I hope you and Gena are well!
Being European I can only congratulate you to this move. You have the right to choose peace, sanity and wellbeing.
Some 90 years ago many educated Jews left Europe towards the New World to escape the horrors that were about to happen… now it’s educated Americans that decide to come to Europe. Good luck to both of you!
Congratulations! My husband and I embarked on a very similar path about 18 months ago. 😊 We’re slowly making our way to France for many of the same reasons you wrote about.
Best wishes for continued happiness!
Best of luck to you from an American living in Prague. Lived in Japan in 2016 and it was good for the soul—wish you the best in your healing venture. (Also, nice pick—enjoy the weather!)
Yup, I feel this hard. My wife and I moved to Ireland a year ago. For us, too, it was a long time in planning - nine years in fact. It felt better to know that first, we were moving to something, not so much away.
I’m an Episcopal priest, now working with limited remuneration from the Church of Ireland. When I look at what is included in that law about national emergency, I realize that the Episcopal Church could be the first Christian denomination to be declared a terrorist organization! So financially, we’re still in peril, since we rely on my pension. If we can’t support ourselves, Ireland won’t let us stay.
My colleagues met together just over a year ago, to consider how to support one another in light of what we could see was coming. At the time I said, “No matter what the election brings, we would still be moving to Ireland. But if we don’t go now, there will come a time when you ask, ‘Why didn’t they go when they could?’”
In 2016, I felt I needed to stay as part of my ministry. This time around, I couldn’t figure out how to get traction. In any case, our call now is here.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. I’m glad you chose your own peace and joy—plus as you note there are ways to stay involved (if you want to) from abroad.